How far are you with your new year’s resolutions?
Let me knowJ.
Well, this is how I felt when I set my 2016 resolutions;
some of which are yet to be realised.
I felt like these three persons were
holding a meeting inside my brain; and they were sipping coffee. I sniffed it.
One was as negative and dark as a demon on a toad stool. He
advised against all my moves, “you will fail and then you will look like a fool”
he kept shouting.
The second sounded like sunshine. Charming and reassuring. ‘hey,
it’s a brilliant idea and you got the ability”. He gently said.
The third person was just a sluggish zombie. He was dozing on
and off clearly disinterested in the matter. “Listen toddler, this bogus dream
of yours will take a lot out of you. It is very demanding and certainly impossible”
He whispered.
After they had their fair share of my time, they all looked
at me weirdly waiting for my decision.
Now let’s see…
So for 2019, I dismissed their summit.
How could I let them break me
again?
Then I found my harmony.
It’s a Saturday evening, exactly two days to the awaited
announcement by the examinations body on KCSE results. My sister who has sustained
an excellent track record in previous years assures us of success and so we rejoice.
The sun sets down paving way to tiny glimpse of stars, the
air now cooler brushes through my earlobes as I hold tightly to the only torche in the entire home. It was a gift
from my grandmother. May her soul rest in peace. I move it gently with every
move my brother makes as he carefully skins off the goat. The light submits.
We are a carnivorous family. we love meat. Goat meat. Don’t
get me wrong.
We salivate at the aroma of grilled
mesh-wire goat meat miles away.
So for this particular day, father decides to roast a full goat
for us to celebrate my sister’s success in waiting.
I know, stop asking ‘what if’. We simply believed in her
brilliance plus we can’t just let this male-goat drift-away. We deserve meat!
So everyone is busy tightening up bits and pieces of the
feast.
Mother is cooking ugali, the genius in waiting lights up
the fire and gets tough logs to carry us through the night. Father obviously
gets the mesh-wire from the store and aligns it for the appointed task. It’s a
fiesta.
It’s well coordinated and things seem to fall in place. Because
things to do with food shouldn’t flop!
With every bit of coherence, the party moves closer and
before we know it, both food and bonfire are here.
We are roasted from the front while frozen from behind with
the bonfire cooking us gently. There is something about the flame; not too much
to burn you off, but harsh enough to shrink off your skin hairs.
The feast went on into the night, everyone more inspired
than they should, and a tray of roasted meat going in rounds at the fire place.
You are only permitted to pick a piece at a time and pass!
Father says he’s not about to breed
greedy monsters!
It’s a family tradition.
We eat, talk, laugh and thank God for the far we have come.
We hardly touched on the topic of
the day_ the anticipated KCSE results.
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But we laughed and talked and that’s
all that mattered.
So we pray and disperse to catch
some sleep before another day.
Then mother who has been giggling and babbling says
something. The only important word that I carried from the party.
“It’s time to TAKE FLIGHT and FIND
COURAGE to pursue that dream that seems too far”.
So That night, way past new year’s
resolutions' time-frames, I made a resolution. And I called it a GOAL. Because the
word RESOLUTION scares me. I didn’t want it to hurt me in the middle of the
night reminding me of the things I didn’t do.
So I made a goal this year;
That I will smile to strangers and
share in the glow of the moment.
That I will genuinely and intentionally
love and allow myself to be loved.
That I will honour this girl with so huge dreams that she
can hardly stomach.
That I will carefully listen to
others with the intention to understand them better.
That I will listen and meditate on
how God moves.
That I will take guitar classes and drink more water.
That I will honour and love my family; and once in a while sneak off for
a mesh-wire grilled goat meat.
And yes I am on track.
Mwende
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