CALMED

CALMED

I think I will be a splendid grannie.

Often times I envisage sitting on that simple couch close enough to the fire-place savouring into the warmth. I imagine that I will probably be laughing at my younger self and the miniature decisions that gave me sleepless nights.

I often sit here and chat with my future old-self on what the future seems like because frankly speaking, none of us can describe with certainty the days to come.

I envision my sun-tanned skin struggling to glow with my wobbly hands fighting to garner enough strength to play around with my grandchildren. I imagine my similarly old hubby (call him husband) with patterned wrinkles on his brow expressive of the incredible journey we will have endured.

I think eye-lines are beautiful. Mine would probably tell of the laughter, affection and certainly of the scars of wounds that once existed.  I think my litheness and articulate speech will portray a pot of Godly wisdom accumulated over the years oozing effortlessly to the young ones (somebody say AmenJ).

pinterestimages

I’m actually convinced that sometimes (and those times are many), generations will literally wish to pull away the mask of age around my feeble frame just to get a glimpse of the girl that I once was over the years.

Then I will tell them, ‘you don’t have to because if you can pay attention, then you’ll see her because she still lives’.

But then this creepy thought keeps stealing my wow imaginings every time. In a world that measures self-worth on basis of luxuries and fame rather than the content of our character, I dread the generations to come.

Will that young damsel that I will bring forth understand that beauty and life are inseparable?

Will that lad comprehend the place of love, virtue and guarding his appetites however loud they echo?

Will he intrinsically seek to guard his neighbour’s girl in light of bullies; or will he foolishly join in?

I still wonder.

But then hope yields more power and I realize that even then, remnants will surely thrive just like in times of Noah.

Wait a minute! The times of Noah are already here!

Do we have remnants?

Mwende

JOURNEY INTO THY SELF

JOURNEY INTO THY SELF

Afew years ago, I flourished within a company of sassy-striking school girls with their energy clearly out of this world.

We had just moved into the dining hall that was shortly converted into a dance floor and the music in there was soothing_ well until it sooner turned into factually noise.

We moved from chatting to singing to slow-dancing to screaming for no good reason at all.

lovethyself

I remember searching for my friend through the crowd that moved like a multi-headed beast that only shared one brain. The dance floor was fully filled with everyone showcasing their best moves. For a moment I felt a sincere touch of togetherness and in another I felt like we were just a bunch of filthy noisemakers and immediately my mind shifted. I just wanted to go home but then I stayed.

‘Hey, is all that your hair?’ a smooth exquisite voice proceeded just above my left shoulder close enough to smell the drenched face.

I was not ready for any meaningful conversation. I was tired. The kind that needs a good night's sleep.

But then I still responded.  ‘Yes’ I said with an inviting twinkle and as they say, the rest is history.

Looking back, I’m glad I met Lisa.

Because that very chat was a reflection of a slave set free for life.

Of one who lived free tangibly yet one with a bound mind that had to be continually reminded that it’s free indeed.

Yet one who purposefully chooses to walk free each single day.

What she didn’t know is that wearing my natural hair that day was the easiest thing I have had to do overtime in comparison to the striking long journey taken back to myself.

lovethyself

You see, the world is effusively crowded with what beauty seems like.

The “kind of beauty” that gets us crowded and running in pursuit of the elusive not realizing that BEAUTY begins within.

I have had to constantly DRAW BACK INTO SELF and JUST LOVE ME.

Because you got to love yourself deeply to give love back.

‘Your hair is like a crown’, she said calmly and smiled in awe and I couldn’t stop sobbing.

‘And you are beautiful and you got to see it FIRST before anyone else does’, I mumbled while still balancing tears.

That day, at the corner of a veranda outside the dance hall, I realized that sometimes we all need someone to tap on our spines and trigger the vigour we so desperately need to LOVE OURSELVES DEEPER.

Then something felt good to my soul to this day.

Mwende