MY DIVINE PREGNANCY EXPERIENCE

Please believe me when I say it came without warning!

I didn't know I was pregnant!

One early Saturday morning I was woken up by this funny tickling movement in my tiny stomach,

So I rushed out to the bathroom pretty sure that I would throw up,

But nothing seemed to come out so I went back to bed; lying to myself that I was asleep,

And even though physically calm and rested so to speak; inwardly wrestling with unknown giants,

Finally giving in to the fight and letting it sink deep!!

Letting it sink deep that I was indeed pregnant,

But somehow finding a happy place amidst such turmoil,

Contrary to my expectations, with every movement I felt love, joy and renewed confidence!!

My tummy kept protruding however hard I tried to hide it_ so I thought,

I couldn't imagine this tiny being was growing to be bigger than I could ever hide,

And with every new day; there was always a new moment; a brutish reminder that I was pregnant!!

Sometimes it felt like a fire burning; trying out all humanly ways to quench itself,

Other times it felt calm and quiet; I guess the baby was asleep but still growing,

Making me feel so alive but at the same time scared of the unknown!!

All this while; thousands of questions running through my mind,

Will I be responsible enough?

Am I ready for this and strong enough to sustain it?

How about my family and friends?

But I somehow knew I was fully prepared for the task,

All set for both ridicules and genuine pats on my back,

I knew it won’t be easy; but I also knew it would be a new intimacy to enjoy;

From three months, to six, to nine and I was finally ready to push it out.

I was ready to bring forth my dream- My Divine Purpose!!

See, I didn't know I was pregnant with a dream,

With every sharp pain the intensity to push multiplied, every contraction paving a pathway to my baby- My Divine Purpose,

My waters broke and streamed like a constrained river finally free,

With every sweat-drop on my forehead; more in- built pressure to keep pushing,

With every firm grip on my delivery bed; joy rekindled,

Finally beholding a new hope; beauty in all its perfection,

Embracing my purpose; thanking God for the opportunity.

This time round; there was no giving up!

I was finally building a new hub; A new thinking perspective!

To nurture my purpose to maturity; and abundance thereafter!

My Purpose for Existence!

Mwende

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Ever felt your dream was dying out? Too small to be recognized?
This is for you!! 

To remind you that you can still dream again and live your purpose to the fullest_ Its not easy but its possible; Just like a Pregnancy!!

Man Re- Introduced

Man Re- Introduced

My young brother just turned 22 years and I am all excited.

Clearly having a young brother shouldn't be taken for granted; even though I have always admired big brothers, he’s turned out to be one of my sassy joys.

In my early years back in the village, I always wished I had a bigger brother and mamma struggled to explain why it wasn’t possible.

For just a few selfish reasons- so to speak; I needed to have one.

To see his furry and madness when boys tried to pursue his princess;

To enjoy dates and chocolates when dad complained that I was demanding too much;

To show off to my classmates who we’d fight with after school- they always seemed to win the fight and I needed to win someday.

A big brother who would somehow read my moods and notice when I wasn’t okay.

Talk of all these things that big brothers are expected to do- somehow we (the society) have placed heavy demands on their shoulders and failure isn't an excuse.

And my calm brother is slowly being oriented into this kind of sanity; recently he bought a girl chocolates with his pocket money just to prove a point_ and opted to walk to school (thank God for big sisters).

And that caught me thinking_ it’s been a month of reflection and flashbacks!

I have been thinking about them_ the big brothers, the young ones (just like my brother), the fathers, husbands, boyfriends… (And the list continues…).

About that young toddler who’s just about to be ushered into manly society.

About that teenager whose heart aches from betrayal; yet he’s only expected to be strong and carry on with life and its demands normally.

About that mid- age man in middle life crisis; trying to figure out his purpose_ the society expects him to fiercely face his dreams and so failure isn't allowed here.

About that father who just got a son and wonders how to raise him to be a man and guide him in the way he should go; when his walk as a father isn't all figured out.

About that man who just lost his best friend and can’t afford to shed a tear for his friend- because men shouldn't cry.

We (the society) have taught them...

To fight their emotions and dominate_ destroying their ability to interact.  

To take away love, emotions and fear_ rendering them powerless in claim for power (for true power is conceived in love and the ability to feel).

To work out their veins, fists and shoulders while neglecting the very man who lives within _ turning them into strong zombies who have no control over their bodies.

I have been thinking about them_ and to me (correct me if I'm wrong); man is the centre that holds our society.

To me, the man has to be re-introduced for society to stand…

That you don’t have to have everything all figured out to be a man,

That it’s okay to fail and still be a man_ you can rise up and forge forward as a man,

That you don’t have to own all the chocolates in this world to be a man_ you only need to be strategically positioned and refine the few chocolates within your influence,

That you don’t have to sleep around to prove a point_ and if you happen to, you still have the opportunity to correct it.

And all this while, my young brother has been watching…

He knows not how to be a man; but the society expects him to be one. And all this while, he’s been peeping into my notepad; hoping to pick one or two things about being a man_

"It’s okay to ask and still be a man, but please note that I can only hope that real man can be re- introduced from a manly point of view"_ I whispered calming, hoping not to interrupt. 

 My young brother…

If you can dream and work towards achieving those dreams; then you’re a man,

If you can keep your head high up when everyone else thinks you’re a looser; then you’re a man,

If you can fail only to try again and fail again_ but still choose to try one more time; then you’re a man,

If you can focus on real virtues and your inner man as twice as your physical body; then you’re a man,

If you can hold on when all seems gone except the will to hold on; then you’re a man,

If you can choose to ignore labels given to you to satisfy someone’s else fears; then you’re a man,

Brother…

If you are willing to serve others and freely give to those in need; then you’re a man,

If you are willing to re-define beauty as God defines it; then you’re a man,

If you can unveil the sorrows of the young boy trapped within you; allow yourself to cry out the agony; then you’re a man,

Brother, if you can accept the freedom you deserve and let go; then you are a man,

And I will always be here to offer you a safe embrace while you struggle to break loose… we all do,

I will always be here to remind you that shedding tears doesn't make you less of a man,

Looking forward to seeing you grow to be a real man,

And praying that God will bring your way real men to mentor you into manhood and together you will grow to bring back stability into our society as your re-define manhood.

With love from big sister,

Mwende

Dedicated to all men who once felt they weren't close to what society defined man to be.