Country Girl

Country Girl

Let’s just say that I’m a village girl,

I sometimes shrab very simple English words you’re left wondering what the heck just happened!

I love bright colors that do not necessarily correspond; thank God for color-blocking I no longer seem weird,

Heels make me uncomfortable, too high up the sky; and I literally walk like a new born calf risking breaking my knee caps.

When I finally garner the courage to try on make-up; a creepy thought of a heavy rain emerges and thwarts my dreams; I have never shaved my eyebrows all my life; I simply don’t get why I have to shave them off and then draw a thin black line,

I like jeans and t-shirts and riding bicycles; too official dress codes makes me nervous that I will have to deliver a speech,

I am one of those girls who enjoy prolonged laughs and slurping tea,

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I was born in one of the deepest villages of the world where technology was one of those demons my folks chased out in fire spitting prowess.

School rules didn’t allow me to grow my kinky hair; a clean shave felt heavenly and once in a while I experienced a touch of cold breeze massaging my forehead in the wee hours of the morning as I walked to school.

I enjoyed reading out loud in class and shrabbing off words (I didn’t notice until I was in college); for two decades I lived convinced my pronunciation was fleek,

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You had to be a smart student to be a bell-ringer and for two years I held that coveted seat; and of course raising and lowering the national flag on Tuesdays and Fridays in the watch of the whole dilation of pupils and teachers- it felt prestigious,

The top of my head still bears a perfect stripe of a rope that rested on it every single day for 17 years; I went with the same old jerry-can and the same rope to fetch water and nothing felt wrong,

I enjoyed fresh waters of our stream during the rainy seasons; my friends and I held happy sprees every evening in the cool of the day,

Until I came to the capital and realized just how fast one can die in a swimming pool!

Sunrise basked on my cheeks as I milked my father’s goats and cultivated my love for goat milk to this day,

For close to two decades of my life I watched a black and white TV screen (which used to break down almost every week); I lived knowing that those TV folks had a standard dress code- black and white; well until I came to the city,

My devotion to succeed thrived in my small world; and up to this day it still does,

Today I enjoy being in the city; surrounded by all these people and all kinds of high-tech, but I still break loose to my small village to catch a glimpse of pureness,

Then my village girl comes out alive again,

It’s a tradition that has now borne strong roots in my soul,

And I am not abandoning it any day soon,

Because life is made of tiny tokens of fun, appreciation and bliss of unconditional love.

Mwende

A Free Bird

A FREE BIRD

That’s what worry does; it messes up with you big deal!

And being the extremely emotional being that I am, I found myself worrying about things- things here include everything!

I got caught up with what I didn’t have and I worried about it big time,

I worried about a mountain bike that I had been planning to buy a decade ago; and I still don’t have it yet,

I worried about the house I’m living in and everything that seemed to be missing,

I worried about my friends and why we can’t have a sleepover,

I worried about a job that I really needed; in a location of my choice and for some reasons I believed God (I still do) somehow understands why I need to be there; I don’t have the job yet,

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I literally worried about everything,

I worried that my health will one day fail me; that I may never be able to achieve these gigantic dreams of mine,

I worried about getting married; that I was single and the clock was ticking as it always does; yet this crucial matter occurred to be off the radar of ‘the important things for now’ for all the potentials I met; I was  left with an anxious feeling in the pit of my uterus,

And every time I was perturbed about something; my body hurt and it felt like this huge heavy load was placed on my shoulders and the more I moved forward, the heavier it became,

I indisputably complained about my career and why God needed to enable me finish my studies that had become a thorn in the flesh,

I worried about financial stability; whether I will be able to provide for my family enough for every day,

I worried about my kid sister in college far away from home; was she really studying or doing her ‘own things?’

I just worried and it felt like I was racing after life and I never seemed to really get hold of it,

I neglected my passions and the desire to be more; and I turned into a living zombie with all these burdens of life on my shoulders,

Every time I wrestled with voices that kept telling me I’m not alright,

I worried that every time I fell; there are those who would call me a mistake,

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I wanted to overcome it; but others made it worse with phrases like, ‘stop thinking about it’,

And their arguments got me into serious discussions with myself; which sustained more worrying,

Until I realized worry is like a rocking chair; it's always in motion but it never gets me anywhere,

It drained me and never made me feel better or change the situation; and I wanted something different,

I wanted to leave my list of what I didn’t have alone; but I didn’t know how,

Until I learnt about the Amazing Grace of God,

I learnt to be vulnerable so His Grace can work through me; learning to fight for joy without replacing grace,

I learnt to take the less travelled path; Learning to Lean on God’s Immeasurable Grace,

And this made all the DIFFERENCE,

I saw that my worrying had earned me NOTHING,

So I gave it up; only to realize that I was a SLAVE OF SELF,

Free to FLY as HIGH as my thoughts, imagination and passions could take me,

I resolved to walk into the dance hall,

Because opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor,

And I have since enjoyed the music in here.

Isaiah 41:15, ‘See, I will make you into a threshing sledge, new and sharp, with many teeth.You will thresh the mountains and crush them, and reduce the hills to chaff’.

Mwende