A Free Bird

A FREE BIRD

That’s what worry does; it messes up with you big deal!

And being the extremely emotional being that I am, I found myself worrying about things- things here include everything!

I got caught up with what I didn’t have and I worried about it big time,

I worried about a mountain bike that I had been planning to buy a decade ago; and I still don’t have it yet,

I worried about the house I’m living in and everything that seemed to be missing,

I worried about my friends and why we can’t have a sleepover,

I worried about a job that I really needed; in a location of my choice and for some reasons I believed God (I still do) somehow understands why I need to be there; I don’t have the job yet,

health.harvard.edu

I literally worried about everything,

I worried that my health will one day fail me; that I may never be able to achieve these gigantic dreams of mine,

I worried about getting married; that I was single and the clock was ticking as it always does; yet this crucial matter occurred to be off the radar of ‘the important things for now’ for all the potentials I met; I was  left with an anxious feeling in the pit of my uterus,

And every time I was perturbed about something; my body hurt and it felt like this huge heavy load was placed on my shoulders and the more I moved forward, the heavier it became,

I indisputably complained about my career and why God needed to enable me finish my studies that had become a thorn in the flesh,

I worried about financial stability; whether I will be able to provide for my family enough for every day,

I worried about my kid sister in college far away from home; was she really studying or doing her ‘own things?’

I just worried and it felt like I was racing after life and I never seemed to really get hold of it,

I neglected my passions and the desire to be more; and I turned into a living zombie with all these burdens of life on my shoulders,

Every time I wrestled with voices that kept telling me I’m not alright,

I worried that every time I fell; there are those who would call me a mistake,

photo: courtesy of Infinity Clix

I wanted to overcome it; but others made it worse with phrases like, ‘stop thinking about it’,

And their arguments got me into serious discussions with myself; which sustained more worrying,

Until I realized worry is like a rocking chair; it's always in motion but it never gets me anywhere,

It drained me and never made me feel better or change the situation; and I wanted something different,

I wanted to leave my list of what I didn’t have alone; but I didn’t know how,

Until I learnt about the Amazing Grace of God,

I learnt to be vulnerable so His Grace can work through me; learning to fight for joy without replacing grace,

I learnt to take the less travelled path; Learning to Lean on God’s Immeasurable Grace,

And this made all the DIFFERENCE,

I saw that my worrying had earned me NOTHING,

So I gave it up; only to realize that I was a SLAVE OF SELF,

Free to FLY as HIGH as my thoughts, imagination and passions could take me,

I resolved to walk into the dance hall,

Because opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor,

And I have since enjoyed the music in here.

Isaiah 41:15, ‘See, I will make you into a threshing sledge, new and sharp, with many teeth.You will thresh the mountains and crush them, and reduce the hills to chaff’.

Mwende